Operating from a victim mentality means you believe that events in your life happen to you, and that you have no control over them. The key to knowing that that isn't the case is, paradoxically, humility.
In my post on humility, I wrote that for me humility means:
“Understanding and accepting that the only thing I can control is myself, and that isn’t always easy; it takes practice to control my thoughts and emotions.”
That's a very true statement – I can control what I say and do to others. Do I control their response? No, but does that mean that I'm not in control of the outcome? Not exactly.
Let's say you want a promotion at work. If you set ego aside and consider why you want the promotion, you might see the core reason being you want (or need) more money. Now let's say you don't get promoted. What do you do? Do you go around the office letting everyone know of your displeasure? Or do you take control of the outcome and look for other ways to make money?
I know a number of people who are unhappy with their jobs for one reason or another, but they stay. And they are miserable. You might work with these people – they are unhappy on a daily basis, they take everything everyone does personally, and they are no fun to be around. If these people were to take control of their outcomes, they would find a new job.
Now you might be saying to yourself, “Rob, you make it sound so easy, but I have X and Y going on in my life that doesn't allow me to just up and quit my job. I've got responsibilities.”
I understand, and I don't suggest you ever up and quit a job.
I'm not saying this is easy or fast. I'm not saying that you won't have to work hard to change things.
What I am saying is that contrary to what your head is telling you, you are in control!
If you need to make more money you can start doing some contract work in addition to your full time job.
If you are looking for a new job you can overhaul your resume, network like crazy, and let people know what you're looking for and how they can help you. If what you want to do requires skills you don't have, attend courses on nights and weekends to gain the skills, and then help out a non-profit to gain some experience.
In The Success Principles, Jack Canfield provides 67 principles to help you get from where you are to where you want to be. Number 1 is take 100% responsibility for your life. If you want to control your outcomes, you must take 100% responsibility, and take action.
Life isn't something happening to you – it's something you can control.
The choice is yours.
What choice will you make today?