As kids we heard the word “no” a lot. Some of us more than others; some much more. After years of being told we shouldn’t be doing this, or not to do that, we’ve been conditioned to see “no” as a negative. Thankfully that is a limiting belief we can easily correct. Here are three steps you can use to turn a “no” into a huge positive.
Step 1 – Acknowledge The Ego
The first step in seeing “no” as a positive is to acknowledge that when someone tells us no, it doesn’t mean we are any less who we are, or less valuable. It isn’t a value judgement about our character. Hell, I’m 100% sure that it has nothing to do with me whatsoever.
Case in point. In the past week I have had two people reject the proposals I sent. Since starting Dempsey Marketing, I’ve had a very good close rate, close to 100% in fact. So, when I heard no not once but twice in a row, my ego kicked into overdrive, but not in a positive way.
My self-talk became “what could I have done better, what should I have done differently, what did I miss?” The almost immediate view was one of negativity and lack.
This kind of thing is insidious. The damage done by self-talk like this isn’t readily visible. It took a few days for it to come to a head, and almost threw me off track.Thankfully my daily practice of Holosync, meditation, paraliminals, reading, and speaking with my wife turned it around in less than an hour.
I tell you this to demonstrate how our ego can work against us, and how the affects are not immediately recognizable.
As I said though, the first step is realizing that the “no” has nothing to do with us. In my case, both people explained their reasons for choosing someone else, and accepted at face value, both had nothing to do with me personally, at all.
Step 2 – Unlock The Power In The Belief
The fact remains though that I had a negative response to these events. That means there’s a belief I hold that needs to be uncovered and unlocked. This requires honest introspection, and the courage to do it. This is also where a daily practice of meditation comes in handy.
If you aren’t into mediation (yet) here is an exercise I learned from Arnold M. Palmer you can use. It’s called “The Feeling Exercise”:
Close your eyes and scan your body. Notice how you are feeling. Then:
- Feel the feeling free of any thoughts you have about it. Feel the energy, the power in the feeling.
- Feel love for the feeling just the way it is. Feel love for the power in the feeling.
- Feel love for yourself feeling that love and that power.
When I allowed myself to sit and feel my feelings, I realized that I thought that by not getting their business, I was losing something. What this really means is that I believe lack is real, when in fact it isn’t.
Once you understand that in this world there really is no lack, only abundance, you can unlock the power you’ve placed in this limiting belief and regain it for yourself.
Step 3 – See And Feel Abundance
Over the years, especially in capitalistic societies, we’ve been conditioned to believe that there is lack, and that we are all in competition with one another. This gets to the heart of what is truly valuable in life. What do you value?
Above anything material, I value the loving and supportive relationships I have with my family and friends. I value the connections I’ve made with the thousands of people I’ve met over my lifetime. I value my relationship with God, the unifying force of in the Universe. I value my relationship with my Self. No matter how much or how little “stuff” I have, none of that can be taken away from me.
When I focus on that, I see my life as full of abundance. This is our natural state of being, not what we’ve been conditioned to believe.
The way to turn around a belief in lack is to appreciate everything you have in your life. Sure, look at any material stuff you’ve acquired over the years, but also look at all of the talents God has given you, all of the experiences you’ve had as a human, all of the relationships and love you’ve received and been able to give.
Above all, feel the unconditional love that God has for you.
When I first got sober in AA, I was told that I had to place my faith in a “higher power”. It was only through that higher power that I could change my life and become who I was truly meant to be. The reliance that I placed in God helped me completely turn my life around, and has made my life more than I had ever wished it could be.
There Is Something Better Waiting For You
One way the ego loves to mess with us is making us believe that we know what is best for us. If I was to buy into that belief, then my thought would be that I should have gotten those two clients. However, that didn’t happen. So what does that mean? It isn’t what was best for me. And it wasn’t.
On the one hand, if I had landed both of those clients, we’d be even more busy, and would have made some money. On the other hand, I wouldn’t have had an excellent conversation with my wife this morning that helped me further clarify my life purpose, and what I should really be doing to fulfill it.
Which of those outcomes sounds better to you? While it would be nice to have the money and the work, it’s even better to have a clearer vision for my life and how I can be supremely successful doing what I am meant to do.
Do I always know what’s best for me? Apparently not. Thank goodness that God does, and moves my life in that direction. My job then becomes to acknowledge that, again and again.
Not Always Easy, But Necessary
When you become grateful for what you have in your life, you open yourself up to abundance. I understand that seeing life in this way is not always easy, especially when your ego kicks into overdrive, and brings a flood of negative self-talk.
What I have been taught to do, and what I suggest to you today, is to follow the three steps I outlined above. If negative self-talk is a problem for you, here are 3 ways to overcome negative thinking.
If you have any questions, please leave a comment below, or contact me using the contact form.